Authentically me, horseback: Horses and authenticity

My fourth post on the challenge of authenticity is specially for the horse people who read my blog. Because I am most often authentically me when I am riding… Or writing, but especially if writing about horses. Hence this blog.

When are you most authentically you? was my last post on the topic. If you would like to share your views in non-horse-focused manner, please go there!

This all started in response to my cousin Heidi Jandel‘s challenge to her Facebook friends and followers: “Each day ask yourself how you can show up more authentically in one small area of life that day.” It got me thinking. For me, the challenge is not to act in accordance with my innermost self (desires, motivations, feelings). Rather, the challenge is knowing who the authentic me is. In my professional life, I am an academic researcher who will probably be transitioning out of academia (for the most part) this summer.

I’ve changed jobs (and locations) frequently throughout my life. Yes, there is an inner kernel that never changes. The outer Jessicas might seem very different if you compare expat wife, social club member, Jessica to academic Jessica to racetrack denizen Jessica. But there is an authentic me inside that doesn’t really change.

(Fortunately she does learn and grow…)

A large part of that inner, true, authentic me is devoted to horses.

Horses and authenticity

I am never inauthentic when working with horses. True, sometimes I might not express my true self to horse people. In fact, I tend to be quieter than usual around horses and horse people. This is to a large degree because much of the time I’ve been with horses and people has been in the early morning. I am not a morning person, and to gallop at the track I often had to get up at 4:30 am (especially in summer).

I would barely speak until after we had coffee (after the second set, usually about three hours after I’d arrived). Even afterwards, I tended to say little. This was good, when I did say something, everyone would pay attention.

The authentic me, with horse people, is often silent. That Jessica hasn’t got much to say. But in other situations (or when I am riding horses with a close friend), I often have a lot to say.

Of course, during that “silent” time, I am communicating with the horse. However, this isn’t as much as you might think. Horses don’t like to be pestered, and the best case scenario is when I explain to the horse what I want, and then just let it do it without excessive managing. This is especially true with racehorses (or riding down the trail for endurance).

The authentic me knows how to listen to horses. She doesn’t always do as well with humans though.

What is it about horses that brings out the authentic me?

Not that I consciously act “authentically” when with horses. I just feel authentic. I am more likely to achieve a flow state while riding than at any other time. I am almost always happy when riding… If I am not, it is because I brought my discontent with me, and I will surely dismount in a better frame of mind. Riding always makes me feel better.

One of my questions concerning authenticity is how much it depends on solitude. I would say it is easiest to be authentic when alone. For me at least, people are a challenge to authenticity. This isn’t because I don’t want to be authentic or because I am afraid to express my opinion. It’s because I’d rather avoid confrontations and I am frequently too lazy to do the work of making myself understood. Communication is difficult and costly when your goal is to show up authentically.

Curiously enough, working with horses is all about communicating, and authenticity is essential to effective communication with horses. They can always tell when you don’t mean it. This is why so many people struggle to cement their position as alpha: Their horses sense doubt and/or lack of determination.

Maybe that’s why horses and authenticity are inextricably linked, for me at least. I would guess this is true for many horse people: You can’t be inauthentic with horses without compromising your relationship with them.

Maybe it’s just because horses make me happy…

I am still struggling to determine what it is that tells me who the authentic me is. I do feel most authentic with horses, but I also feel happy with horses. Is happiness a clue to authenticity? I suppose that Maslow’s pyramid and positive psychology suggest that it is. (Note: I’ve never felt very comfortable with positive psychology. It’s always seemed to me that Seligman started it because he felt guilty about shocking all those dogs…)

What about other horse people? What do horses and authenticity mean to you? Are you most likely to act in accordance with your innermost self when around horses? What does this say about your “real life” or day job? (Trainers and other professionals need not answer this last one. The rest of us are just jealous!)